Alone time

I woke this morning, took a shower and made some tea all before my little guy and husband awoke. That's an accomplishment that has become increasingly rare. I peeked in to see my little bunny and his daddy all cuddled together asleep and it was so sweet! I was also really excited because this meant that I would have a little time alone to myself without the worries of a suddenly waking baby.

Being a full time mama is a lot harder than I expected. It seems that other moms tell you this is true but you never truly know it until you're doing it all yourself. I'm so grateful to have a wonderful husband who tries to take the load off me when I get overwhelmed and shares responsibility when he's not at work. I love my little family, I love my new life with bunny and I love being a mama more than anything in the world!

The weekend has officially arrived!

Don't ask me...

So I was just thinking about the number of times that someone, sometimes unknowingly completely pisses me off. Yes, I think about that kind of stuff especially when it involves my little chocolate bunny.

Here are just a few things not to say to adoptive parents because let's face it, if this child was biologically mine, would you feel the need? I think not.

1. Where did you get him?

* Real response: He was born in ________.

* What I want to say and possible snarky responses:

A) From the pound B) Oh this old thing, just something I picked up C) Why, you want one?

D) Hmmm, you're an idiot! and finally, E) When was the last time somebody asked you where your mama got you or better yet, where you got your child? When?!!!

Okay, well sure they might just be naive or insensitive and thoughtless but really, think before you speak! right?

2. When did you get him?

* Real response: He was born in my presence.

What I want to say and other snarky possibilities:

A) I always "GET HIM" B) I just picked him up from the orphanage moments ago. C) Get him? You mean to say when did we become a family. I will also accept as a possible question, When did you adopt?

3. He's so lucky and/or bless you

Real response: We are the lucky ones. I feel like we won the baby lottery!

What I want to say and *****

A) Why is he so lucky? B) Thanks for the blessings, I guess C) We are all pretty lucky to have found each other.

This one always makes me think that there is something else behind what they are actually saying and I don't like it.

Now, I'll tell you why these bother me so much. He is our son, regardless of when he arrived or where he "came from" and honestly there are much better ways to ask these type of questions, not to mention it's none of their business. Did I mention, it's none of their business? because it's not. I know there is a positive side to all of it and we get to experience that too. Adoption is filled with teachable moments and everyday gifts that I wouldn't trade for the world. I can only hope that as time goes by, I can learn to shake it off and handle the bs gracefully.

Happy tears

Just a regular day, back in the routines of motherhood, the ups and downs, the tears and the giggles. The sweetness in the eyes of the wise and innocent and the feeling of pure joy knowing that he is mine. Am I the only one who cries all the time about it? yeah, I'm a cry baby, I admit it.

Sometimes I'm sitting there and I'm looking at my beautiful little bunny baby and the tears just start rolling down my cheeks.

Does he know how much I love him? I hope so.

Time flies

I am constantly surprised at how quickly time passes. It seems that from the moment I held this beautiful little bunny boy in my arms that the time is just flying by at record speeds. People are always commenting on how I should enjoy every moment because before you know it, blah blah blah... and you know what? they are absolutely right! it's crazy this journey I'm on, that we as a family are on.

I love all the little surprises, the giggles, the quiet moments, the sweet slobbery kisses, the blabbery, the cute little sly smirk that seems to appear out of nowhere, followed by the raise of an eyebrow and possibly both. I have also learned to appreciate alone time, warm showers, reading, getting dressed by myself and basically any moments I get where I'm not entertaining or being entertained by the little man who now happily rules my life.

Oh I love him!!! I get tired, I feel crazy, I get flustered and then I sit back, take a deep breath and remember I waited for this my entire life and I'm living the dream!

Weekend without daddy

TIRED

TIRED

TIRED

It's birthday weekend for Daniel (AKA Daddy) and we will go see him at work tomorrow for the big day but it's bumming me out that he's not here.

Mama fears

I read this post this morning of a blogger I follow and adore. What a heartbreaking story, It begins with this beautiful picture of a gorgeous little African American girl, just 7 years old and looking snarky and fun and then the story reads... 7 year old dead, cause of death, stupidity! Police storm a house looking for a murderer and instead senselessly murder. This home happens to belong to this baby's grandmother. Guns out and blasting every which way and the girl peacefully sleeping under her Disney blanket on the couch accidentally gets shot and slowly dies as her daddy is on the ground with guns to his head. I start to wonder if the picture would be different if the this was the home of a wealthy white family. Would the scene look the same?

The story is sad and depressing and heartbreaking and REAL. Things like this happen a lot more than we would like to think about, than I'd like to think about.

Here we are in the land of privilege and opportunity. My baby and I living comfortably in our safe cozy neighborhood. This mama still has fears, fears based on evidence that things have not changed racially and ethically as much as we might think.

I fear that one day I will have to explain to my baby the stupidity of others, that one day somebody hurts him, calls him names, excludes him, profiles him or worse. I know very well what it feels like to be excluded based on something you can't change or people just don't understand. I am bi- racial, a woman with Latina roots as well as White European ancestry and though most people can't quite figure out exactly where my roots lay. I am all to familiar with the racism that occurs when they do. I lived in the North bay of Massachusetts in a primarily Irish / Italian population. A woman I worked with started spouting off about the scent of the Spaniards ( their funny smell), I said nothing but later that day I asked her to take a sniff of my arm. She must of thought it was a new fragrance or something because she willingly leaned in. "What is it?" I smiled and said, "It's that Spanish smell". I then went on to explain that I am Spanish as well as a few other things. She looked pretty pale and after that and she sure watched what she said. I can only hope that she learned something on that day. There have been other incidents but it's sort of pointless to list them all. I suffered another form of prejudice as well while growing up. Weight related and still a fairly sore subject with me. It's amazing what people will say, what they will do and the rights they think they have to discriminate as they see fit, as if they themselves are flawless. What's wrong with people???

Anyways, I guess I've always thought about it but having a child of color and seeing his beautiful chocolate skin, his big brown eyes that seem to look right through you and knowing that he knows nothing of what's before him. I feel that it is my duty to cut the bullshit and protect him.

I am fearful but I have hope that our family and families like us and beyond will make a difference.

Remote control and gadget mania

Okay, why is my baby obsessed with the remote control? I mean we are having massive fits and control issues over the remote. Isn't it a little early for that? He also has a love for the iphone and god knows that's all me, I think he just thinks it's a camera because every time he sees me pick it up, he stops what he's doing and strikes a little pose and flashes me that gorgeous smile of his. I admit I do take quite a few pictures. Okay, I'm obsessed!!! but who can resist? clearly not me.

I am beginning to feel like the remote control thing is a problem though in all seriousness. Perhaps there is to much Television going on and not enough playtime. I do my best but sometimes I feel like it might be a good idea to just get rid of cable all together. I mean, I don't watch it all day but I do get in these phases where it seems to be on more than it should be.

So back to the remote and speaking of obsessions, the boy is consumed with getting his hands on it. My husband thinks it's just a gadget thing and boys like gadgets but bunny goes crazy trying to get it from me and come nap time if he even gets a glimpse, it's over! I'm not sure what to do about it. I guess limiting my Television time will help.

We shall see..............

The Promise

So, I've promised myself that I'll start actually posting more often. Actually, I thought I might do it every day but you know what? let's start with baby steps shall we...

Anyways, Tonight I was reminded of just how lucky I am to have bunny. My husband and I have an amazing little gift that we get to enjoy and in my case 24-7. I really do love my job though! I am a mommy and full time Personal Assistant to an amazing little man.

One of my husbands childhood pals and his wife are just beginning the adoption journey and tonight my husband spent some time coaching him and encouraging him through the process.

I love this part of adoption!!! I love that we have the opportunity to help other people become parents through our personal experience. This is of course how it happened for us, after all.

A chance meeting with someone just like us who made it through and saw that we needed a little nudge to get us through.

I decided after listening to that phone call this evening that I would check out our adoption agencies website of waiting families. I sometimes scan through to see who is left, who is new and hopefully who I can contact to send encouragement and maybe a little help finding their way too. I found a couple that I remembered from our orientation. It took them a while to get up on the website but they are there, hopeful and waiting. I wondered how long they might wait before they are matched with this agency. So, I decided to write to them and offer some resources that were offered to me and to send all my good wishes.

This is addictive really, this need to give back, to help others get through. The happiness I feel because of all that I've been given and all the love that comes over me when I look into those big, dreamy brown eyes. Everyone who wants to be a mommy as much as I did deserves all the help they can get.

Out and about...

So most times while I'm out with the bunny I notice people staring and if I say I thought they all meant well, I would be lying. Most people have been great and just really curious. Today while at Whole foods a woman saw the bunny and I and said to me," bless you" I also ran into a woman that has been curious about the bunny before. She approached me a few months back and asked me if he was my baby. I told her he was and then she asked if he was mixed and of course I then disclosed that I had adopted him. She seemed pleased with that answer and also a little embarrassed to have asked the question. Today she bagged my groceries and just as I was about to leave she asked me some more about bunny's adoption. I guess she remembered us because it was like the conversation was continued from the months past. "So, about adoption, I was wondering if you were able to choose your baby? Did you ask for an ethnic baby specifically?" she then told me that her husband and herself had discussed this very topic this past weekend. I wondered if they wanted to adopt and so they discussed it or if it was about race, ethnicity and people like "us" adopting outside of our race. This woman happens to be black and so talking to her about race and adoption was especially intriguing to me. How does she feel about it? Anyways, I told her that we wanted a baby and we had no racial preference but that the right baby came to us. She smiled sweetly and we said our goodbyes.

Getting into my car and out of the rain, I thought further about that question. I wanted a redo

I wanted to tell her that we were chosen by his biological mother and how it was amazing and wonderful to be chosen and placed with the absolute perfect baby for us. I don't know why I wanted her to know that. I guess I'd just like the myths of adoption, our adoption to be cleared up.

Many people still have the mentality that we are some how "saving" these children of color from their biological families of doom and gloom or that we feel privileged, entitled and better than the mothers who have given birth to our children. I do not feel this way at all and it could not be further from the truth. My bunny's biological mother is so beautiful, loving and generous. She did not have to choose us, she did not have to give her baby up but she did. We love her and no one will ever be allowed to bad mouth the woman who changed our lives forever and allowed us to parent the most beautiful boy in the world.

big tears and fits of rage!

Oh my poor, poor, bunny baby.

Poor baby is going through changes and so is mommy. Please baby, just go to sleep! why pulling of the hair, tugging of the ears and a scream that could break glass, not to mention those big beautiful eyes filling with giant tears that eventually, sadly make their way down is plump little cheeks. I'm pretty much reading everything I can get my hands on to figure out what could be going on and then I called my grandma. Her advise, get that baby some orajel and not that baby stuff! get the real deal and put it on his gums and viola! new baby. Hmmm... I'm skeptical and I'm for sure not about to put full adult orajel on my bunny's precious little gums. Her second bit of grandmotherly advise, a wet rag and by the way, you coddle him to much and he sounds really dependent. This old way of thinking drives me nuts! He is a baby that requires coddling and babying. My grandma, ps. has not yet met the little guy and is going by what I've told her. Is this the impression I'm putting out there. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? She does have a point about the teething and so I suppose it's up to me and bunny's daddy to figure out.

Time for mommy

I suppose I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided I wanted children and don't get me wrong, I have zero regret! I love every moment that I get to spend with my bunny, every second actually. I've just been thinking about the short time that bunny has been here and all the changes that I've already been through. In fact I just put his majesty down moments ago and I can hear him beginning to lose it in his crib. Do I get him or let him soothe himself? and if I run and get him now, will he ever just nap in his crib? AGH!!! my baby. He's a maniac!

half an hour later and I'm back on the blog. I suppose I'm trying to figure it all out still. When do I do this? when do I do that?

blah blah blah...

You know, I'm a new mom, what can I say? I need to learn balance and I will so I'm not terribly worried. I'm venting and wishing for a hot bath and a good book, that's all.

memories and happiness...

My memories, heavy on my mind today. My little bunny is growing and changing so quickly and I'm changing too. I'm thinking about the day I met this little gift and how it felt like it was all some kind of wonderful dream.

Bunny hair and skin woes...

My baby's getting big! My beautiful baby bunny is stronger and stronger everyday and smarter and cuter. His hair is also getting longer and his poor little head has been covered in cradle cap. What to do??? well, I did a little investigation and hit up some other blogs for my answers. "My brown baby" is a particularly helpful blog. So slathering it on, I got to work immediately with a 5 drops of tea tree oil and some extra virgin coconut oil. You know what? it worked! well, sort of.

The flakes started peeling up without damaging bunny's fragile little scalp and hair. So, I followed it up with some sweet almond oil with vitamin e and he patiently endured the steps. This morning when he awoke I noticed a few little flakes had reappeared but I just added more oil to his scalp and it seemed to help. I swear, I'm going to get this under control!

Eczema, he's got it, I don't like it and I'm sure he doesn't either. I'm currently applying pure shea butter 3 times a day. We will see how that goes...

Sitting at home watching the very very sad Hope For Haiti and it's breaking my heart. My bunny is comfortably sleeping in his very cozy nursery while I type this out and I can't help but see him in all the little faces appearing on the television screen. We are so lucky and the thought of children, babies and their families missing, alone and in pain just about kills me. There is something else that it's doing though and that is reminding me to be grateful, to love my bunny and remember that it's always more rewarding to give than to receive even when it feels like we need so much. Really? I mean really, Who needs it more? That's all.

A bunny in my arms and this blog on my mind... A long time coming, the blog and the bunny.

My beautiful boy who I lovingly refer to as my very own "chocolate bunny" was born October 25th at 12:17 am. , tiny and perfect, he came in a hurry, with very little notice. He arrived in perfect condition. Our two day hospital stay brought us many great surprises and very little sleep, both of these things are still very true today.

Parenthood was not just a dream but a great passion of mine for as long as I can recall and I am so excited to finally be a mommy! Today our boy is a thriving almost 13 week old ball of energy.

Gorgeous and growing everyday, stronger and brighter and heavier, whoa! I mean HEAVY.

12 weeks old and been trying to stand for the past two weeks, normal? sure doesn't seem very normal not to mention his crazy mimicking skills which have been baffling us for about the same amount of time. Currently he is just about waving on cue, cooing, smiling and giggling, keeping mommy up by deciding that sleeping close is not close enough. Bunny's smiles are so welcomed and so joyful. I'm telling you, there are moments when I'm so tired, feeling crazy and looking a mess and then there he goes with that gorgeous smile and it works every time making everything worth it, reminding me of all the years I've waited for him and how much it means to be holding him, loving him and caring for him everyday in every way.