Alone time

I woke this morning, took a shower and made some tea all before my little guy and husband awoke. That's an accomplishment that has become increasingly rare. I peeked in to see my little bunny and his daddy all cuddled together asleep and it was so sweet! I was also really excited because this meant that I would have a little time alone to myself without the worries of a suddenly waking baby.

Being a full time mama is a lot harder than I expected. It seems that other moms tell you this is true but you never truly know it until you're doing it all yourself. I'm so grateful to have a wonderful husband who tries to take the load off me when I get overwhelmed and shares responsibility when he's not at work. I love my little family, I love my new life with bunny and I love being a mama more than anything in the world!

The weekend has officially arrived!

Don't ask me...

So I was just thinking about the number of times that someone, sometimes unknowingly completely pisses me off. Yes, I think about that kind of stuff especially when it involves my little chocolate bunny.

Here are just a few things not to say to adoptive parents because let's face it, if this child was biologically mine, would you feel the need? I think not.

1. Where did you get him?

* Real response: He was born in ________.

* What I want to say and possible snarky responses:

A) From the pound B) Oh this old thing, just something I picked up C) Why, you want one?

D) Hmmm, you're an idiot! and finally, E) When was the last time somebody asked you where your mama got you or better yet, where you got your child? When?!!!

Okay, well sure they might just be naive or insensitive and thoughtless but really, think before you speak! right?

2. When did you get him?

* Real response: He was born in my presence.

What I want to say and other snarky possibilities:

A) I always "GET HIM" B) I just picked him up from the orphanage moments ago. C) Get him? You mean to say when did we become a family. I will also accept as a possible question, When did you adopt?

3. He's so lucky and/or bless you

Real response: We are the lucky ones. I feel like we won the baby lottery!

What I want to say and *****

A) Why is he so lucky? B) Thanks for the blessings, I guess C) We are all pretty lucky to have found each other.

This one always makes me think that there is something else behind what they are actually saying and I don't like it.

Now, I'll tell you why these bother me so much. He is our son, regardless of when he arrived or where he "came from" and honestly there are much better ways to ask these type of questions, not to mention it's none of their business. Did I mention, it's none of their business? because it's not. I know there is a positive side to all of it and we get to experience that too. Adoption is filled with teachable moments and everyday gifts that I wouldn't trade for the world. I can only hope that as time goes by, I can learn to shake it off and handle the bs gracefully.

Happy tears

Just a regular day, back in the routines of motherhood, the ups and downs, the tears and the giggles. The sweetness in the eyes of the wise and innocent and the feeling of pure joy knowing that he is mine. Am I the only one who cries all the time about it? yeah, I'm a cry baby, I admit it.

Sometimes I'm sitting there and I'm looking at my beautiful little bunny baby and the tears just start rolling down my cheeks.

Does he know how much I love him? I hope so.

Time flies

I am constantly surprised at how quickly time passes. It seems that from the moment I held this beautiful little bunny boy in my arms that the time is just flying by at record speeds. People are always commenting on how I should enjoy every moment because before you know it, blah blah blah... and you know what? they are absolutely right! it's crazy this journey I'm on, that we as a family are on.

I love all the little surprises, the giggles, the quiet moments, the sweet slobbery kisses, the blabbery, the cute little sly smirk that seems to appear out of nowhere, followed by the raise of an eyebrow and possibly both. I have also learned to appreciate alone time, warm showers, reading, getting dressed by myself and basically any moments I get where I'm not entertaining or being entertained by the little man who now happily rules my life.

Oh I love him!!! I get tired, I feel crazy, I get flustered and then I sit back, take a deep breath and remember I waited for this my entire life and I'm living the dream!

Weekend without daddy

TIRED

TIRED

TIRED

It's birthday weekend for Daniel (AKA Daddy) and we will go see him at work tomorrow for the big day but it's bumming me out that he's not here.

Mama fears

I read this post this morning of a blogger I follow and adore. What a heartbreaking story, It begins with this beautiful picture of a gorgeous little African American girl, just 7 years old and looking snarky and fun and then the story reads... 7 year old dead, cause of death, stupidity! Police storm a house looking for a murderer and instead senselessly murder. This home happens to belong to this baby's grandmother. Guns out and blasting every which way and the girl peacefully sleeping under her Disney blanket on the couch accidentally gets shot and slowly dies as her daddy is on the ground with guns to his head. I start to wonder if the picture would be different if the this was the home of a wealthy white family. Would the scene look the same?

The story is sad and depressing and heartbreaking and REAL. Things like this happen a lot more than we would like to think about, than I'd like to think about.

Here we are in the land of privilege and opportunity. My baby and I living comfortably in our safe cozy neighborhood. This mama still has fears, fears based on evidence that things have not changed racially and ethically as much as we might think.

I fear that one day I will have to explain to my baby the stupidity of others, that one day somebody hurts him, calls him names, excludes him, profiles him or worse. I know very well what it feels like to be excluded based on something you can't change or people just don't understand. I am bi- racial, a woman with Latina roots as well as White European ancestry and though most people can't quite figure out exactly where my roots lay. I am all to familiar with the racism that occurs when they do. I lived in the North bay of Massachusetts in a primarily Irish / Italian population. A woman I worked with started spouting off about the scent of the Spaniards ( their funny smell), I said nothing but later that day I asked her to take a sniff of my arm. She must of thought it was a new fragrance or something because she willingly leaned in. "What is it?" I smiled and said, "It's that Spanish smell". I then went on to explain that I am Spanish as well as a few other things. She looked pretty pale and after that and she sure watched what she said. I can only hope that she learned something on that day. There have been other incidents but it's sort of pointless to list them all. I suffered another form of prejudice as well while growing up. Weight related and still a fairly sore subject with me. It's amazing what people will say, what they will do and the rights they think they have to discriminate as they see fit, as if they themselves are flawless. What's wrong with people???

Anyways, I guess I've always thought about it but having a child of color and seeing his beautiful chocolate skin, his big brown eyes that seem to look right through you and knowing that he knows nothing of what's before him. I feel that it is my duty to cut the bullshit and protect him.

I am fearful but I have hope that our family and families like us and beyond will make a difference.

Remote control and gadget mania

Okay, why is my baby obsessed with the remote control? I mean we are having massive fits and control issues over the remote. Isn't it a little early for that? He also has a love for the iphone and god knows that's all me, I think he just thinks it's a camera because every time he sees me pick it up, he stops what he's doing and strikes a little pose and flashes me that gorgeous smile of his. I admit I do take quite a few pictures. Okay, I'm obsessed!!! but who can resist? clearly not me.

I am beginning to feel like the remote control thing is a problem though in all seriousness. Perhaps there is to much Television going on and not enough playtime. I do my best but sometimes I feel like it might be a good idea to just get rid of cable all together. I mean, I don't watch it all day but I do get in these phases where it seems to be on more than it should be.

So back to the remote and speaking of obsessions, the boy is consumed with getting his hands on it. My husband thinks it's just a gadget thing and boys like gadgets but bunny goes crazy trying to get it from me and come nap time if he even gets a glimpse, it's over! I'm not sure what to do about it. I guess limiting my Television time will help.

We shall see..............